Summoned By Jesus

As previously mentioned, I did not include God in my first marriage. But it was the failure of that marriage that led me to the Lord.

After receiving the Lord and trying to understand God’s touch in my life, I asked the Lord to lead me into what he would have me know. He led me to the concept of “priest of the home”, Ephesians 5:22-33 and 1 Cor 11:3. The Holy Spirit spoke to me and said you were the reason for the failure of the marriage. Go apologize.

Now with that word, I was very conflicted. Anyone who has been through a divorce is familiar with the finger pointing that takes place on both sides. There are always fault points on both sides. But the Holy Spirit said I was (totally) at fault and I should apologize.

I felt the correction of the Lord, so with weak faith I purposed to go apologize. I picked a day when the kids were at school. I went to the door and knocked. Upon seeing me, her face and eyes filled with anger. She spit out the words ‘what do you want?’ to which I said, ‘I have something quick to say and then I’ll be gone.’ She whirled around, took about 10 steps, whirled back around and proceeded to say many ugly and nasty things. She was venting. I remained quiet and didn’t say anything until she had finished all she had to say. I then walked up to within about 18 inches from her and said: “the failure of the marriage is all my fault. I pray that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me.” At that point she was speechless. And I just turned and left.

(I would tell you that the immediate result from that confession and request for forgiveness was that we never fought over custody of the kids. Thank you Lord.)

Over the years that followed I remarried but she never did. We would see each other at family get togethers that included our three kids. At those events, though we were cordial, I always felt there was a root of bitterness in her that was unresolved. However, over those years she would have conversations with my 2nd wife, Renee. She learned that Renee was a deep and caring person. Quiet but deep. So when Renee’s medical emergency occurred, she was genuinely concerned.

The four and a half months from Renee’s initial seizure until her passing were very, very difficult. Both for Renee and for me, as her sole caregiver. It seemed like everyday there was a new and difficult challenge.

After Renee went to be with the Lord, I was reclusive. I stayed at home most of the time. But during that time I was reading a lot. Trying to draw close to the Lord. Trying to understand what His purpose was in all of this. And it was during this time that the Lord spoke to me in the many ways that I have previously mentioned.

It was on my heart to spend some time with my son and his family in Ohio. (My former wife was living in this area, also.) So, four months after Renee’s home going, I went to my son’s house to paint his house for him…a two story wood frame house. It took me two and a half weeks and some help from my son-in-law Daniel.

During the last 2 days of this visit, my former wife said that she would come over and make meals for the family. After the first of these two meals, while others were cleaning the kitchen, she sat down near me and looked deeply into my face and said “tell me what happened with you and Renee.” She had heard of all the difficulty but not the details. I then proceeded to tell her of many of the deep trials Renee and I had gone through together…but laced the discussion with glory to the Lord for his work & plans & purposes in and through us. I told her about the ‘word’ the Lord was crafting in Renee about “The fellowship of His sufferings”, and how the Lord was leading me into a message for men. I know it all touched her deeply.

On the next evening, after the meal, as we were cleaning the kitchen, my former wife turned around to me and said, out of the blue, “I love you and I always have.” And in that moment, after 35 years, my request for forgiveness had come to fruition. And also, since that time the root of bitterness in her is gone. A spiritual stronghold has been broken. Praise the Lord.